Today started with an unexpected surprise. When we made our usual, routine journey up to the NICU this morning to see our little boy, we were told he got moved across the floor to the Continuing Care Nursery (CCN). We were so excited. This is basically a “step down” from the NICU and is a place babies go when they’re more stable and close to discharge. Maddy was also moved from his isolette to a big boy bassinet. We are finally feeling a little more normal.

It sounds like we will be out of this place in a couple of days. Again, this is all dependent on Maddy boy’s continued progress (so keep those prayers coming!!).

His day was pretty steady and as it was winding down and we were packing up to go back to the Ronald McDonald house, the nurse came in and told us he was being transferred again to the Pediatrics Intensive Care floor because they needed his room for another baby. At this point Adam and I decided to help transfer him so we could be in the new room with him and meet the new nurse for his night. We finally left the hospital around 1AM, exhausted and worried about his new setup and care. Before we started spiraling we stopped ourselves and surrendered. We knew God was in that room with him and that’s all that mattered and all he needed – He is his father, nurse, and doctor all in one.

I was thinking today about just how precious and fragile human life is. I’ve known this and felt it more evident in different moments of my life – during the loss of a loved one, during sickness, or during worldly events like 9/11 or the pandemic. But nothing has come close to teaching me about the fragility and preciousness of human life as holding Maddox’s sweet tiny frame.

Perhaps you’ve felt the fragility of human life weigh on you in certain times. These times make you want to hug your friends and family, savor each moment, or reach out to people in your life you may not have in awhile. Maybe these times have also made you scared and nervous, fearful of the unknown, or angry. Sometimes it makes us feel like we have absolutely no control. And it’s true, we really don’t. In these moments of fragility we tend to frantically grasp for more control until we find ourselves enslaved by fear, unable to let go of our circumstances. As you’ve read in my previous posts, I continue to find freedom in relinquishing control. I challenge you to do the same if you’re feeling that you’re fighting a fight too big for your soul. I physically will push my control and fear and burdens off of me and up towards heaven. It sounds silly but it helps. Something about the physical releasing of them helps ground me and remember that I’m trying to fight a fight that’s already been won.

I finally fell asleep by telling myself to simply breathe. Breathe in, taking in the comfort that God is in control, and breathe out, relinquishing my grasp on this precious, fragile life.

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
– Exodus 14:14