Maddox’s Journey

June 22, 2023

June 23, 2023

I really wanted to sit down tonight and write something strong, courageous and encouraging. I wanted to share good news and spread joy and declare peace. I wanted to close the day with restored faith and healing. But tonight, I’m worn. My tank is empty. Tonight I don’t feel strong enough and that’s just my honest, vulnerable truth.

Our day started with news that Maddox had an “episode” overnight where he had shallow breathing and decreased heart rate and oxygen saturation. The nurses had to intervene to stabilize him. Unfortunately when he has these episodes it extends the amount of time we are here. It was disheartening. But, after we got over the initial disappointment of this news we reminded each other that we wanted to make sure Maddox is completely stable before he comes home. Selfishly we just want him home, but realistically we want him to be the best version of himself. We don’t want to have to go home just to turn back around and come back here.

Adam continues to be my source of strength, my rock, my unshakable faith. He prays over Maddox and I every morning and every night. He holds me when I cry and fills my cup when I’ve poured every last drop out of it. We take turns doing this for each other. If he’s feeling doubtful, I give him reassurance. If I’m feeling shaken, he gives me stability. If he’s feeling worry, I give him consolation. In today’s case, I’m feeling defeated, and Adam is reminding me of the victories (even the smaller ones like Maddox’s first sponge bath!!).

As I said, tonight I don’t feel strong enough. Yet thankfully, I don’t have to be strong enough. I have a God who is strong enough for me. He fights my battles. He intercedes. He’s the same God who carried me through so many other storms, he will carry me through this one as well. He’s the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. I’m leaning into that truth tonight.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10

8 responses to “June 22, 2023”

April

June 23, 2023 at 1:17 am

Hannah,even though I don’t know you that well, I know that God chose you and Adam to be Maddox’s parents for a reason. He knew you two were the perfect match for Maddox. Sending hugs and prayers. 💜🙏🏼

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Julia King

June 23, 2023 at 2:33 am

All 3 of you are in my prayers. I can’t imagine how hard it is and I wish I could take some of the pain away. You are all so strong and will conquer the obstacles in front of you with the help of God. He has a plan and I pray you are home with your sweet sweet boy so soon, whenever he is ready. The last thing you want is to pack up and go home with Maddy Jay and have to go back for some reason later down the road. He will get stronger each day as he learns to live in the outside world, I have so much faith in that handsome little guy. ❤️

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Krista Hennessy

June 23, 2023 at 6:09 am

He is so adorable. Looks a little like your Dad! Praying.

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Marina

June 23, 2023 at 10:52 am

Thinking of you all as you go through this together. Remember that there is so much strength in your heart, even though you may not feel it in your mind ♥

Thank you both for opening up and sharing this journey with all of us. Sending so many hugs your way.

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Sara ODonnell

June 23, 2023 at 11:05 am

Sending love and hugs to all of you. I hope you continue to hold each other up but also feel the support of your village behind you 🩵

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Bonnie OLSEN

June 23, 2023 at 11:52 am

My heart aches for you and Adam. But I know you will both weather these trying times because God is your strength and He never leaves us or forsakes us. Praying for dear little Maddox and trusting in God’s goodness and mercy. Love, Aunt Bonnie

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Dawn Marie

June 23, 2023 at 6:49 pm

The verse you quoted was one I wanted to send you! Lean into it. May the strength of the Lord be your strength. May the Comforter be your comfort! May the Lord bless you and keep you, make his face shine upon you and give you peace.

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Christy Olsen

June 24, 2023 at 7:29 am

Dear Hannah & Adam,
You are all in our prayers continually. Praying for strength, wisdom and peace for you. Knowing that God has a good and perfect plan for Maddox and for you. Wait upon the Lord and his strength, His timing is perfect.
Psalm 27:13-14
I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.💕🙏
Love,
Auntie Chris & Uncle Todd

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