When you’re trudging through a wilderness place in your life, you can feel small. You may feel like your problems don’t stack up against the world’s or that God’s voice is a distant echo. You may look left and right and compare yourself to others. You may get discouraged. You may wonder at times if your struggles or journey really matter and may ponder when things will get better. 

Adam and I keep finding ourselves here. It goes without saying (but I’ll say it anyways) that we are so in love with our little boy. Watching him grow and giggle and discover the world has been my greatest blessing. But it’s no secret, if you’ve read this blog, or are a parent yourself, it’s no easy feat. We are continually reminding each other things will get better; we will sleep again, we will have alone time again, we will be able to be around friends more, we will be more financially stable, we will be able to manage his disease easier. 

It’s encouraging to look towards the future and know things will get better, but it can be discouraging when each day passes and it seems there is no progress made. 

This week we reminded ourselves of the multiple times in the bible that sparrows are mentioned. Let me explain. There are many verses that refer to sparrows or birds to illustrate God’s care and provision. Here are two of my favorites: 

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” 
-Matthew 6:25-27 

“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”-Matthew 10:29-31

To be vulnerable with all of you, which I usually am, we had a trying week. We felt we were being tested. I can’t say there was one specific thing to blame (although if I had to pick one it would likely be the very minimal sleep we’d been getting). It just seemed like we were both frustrated and irritable and anxious. The swirl of work, the possibility and fear of sickness, and all of the other things that get thrown into the mix of our chaos, made us feel like no end was in sight. 

But then we remembered: if his eye is on the sparrow, why would he not take care of us too? This speaks to God’s deep and intimate care for his creation. If he takes great care of even a sparrow, can you fathom the level of care he has for us?

He treasures us. 

We so often lose sight of this. You just read my list of complaints and struggles – these are the things that keep you in the wilderness mindset, that make you feel your struggles and lose sight of God’s provision. 

What I see: I’m walking heavily and slowly through the wilderness. I’m batting away branches and struggling through the terrain. It feels dark and cold at times and sometimes I feel alone. 

What I don’t see: a diversion of a path that could have lead me to danger, protection from the reach of dangerous creatures, storms surrounding me that aren’t touching me. 

I’m not sure if this is giving you the visual it gives me, but the point is that even when we feel we’re just “trudging through the wilderness”, God is protecting us from so much more that we don’t even see. 

A sparrow doesn’t worry about where it will lay or what it will eat. Provision is there. Unlike sparrows, we find ourselves continually worrying about what’s next. God has already given great attention to our needs and is continually working on our behalf, especially when can’t see it. 

I have recently been reflecting on what God may have already protected us from and what he’s provided without my wisdom: 

• Recently we got a call from Maddox’s pediatrician’s office that they just got a limited stock of the new RSV vaccine for infants. If you haven’t yet heard about this, this is huge. RSV is the number one cause of hospitalizations and sadly sometimes death for infants. It is especially scary for our little one as it affects the lungs. Right now they are slowly releasing the vaccine and as I mentioned there is a limited amount. The nurse on the phone told us “we are only giving the vaccine to our high risk babies right now and Maddox was at the top of our list”. Instant tears. I don’t know that my heart will ever be okay with hearing about how high risk my baby is, but followed by the instant tears was instant gratitude. I was so thankful that we were able to go in the next morning and get him vaccinated with hopeful protection from this awful virus. (Also, here is my shameless reminder to be cautious around my baby and all babies especially during this season. One kiss or hand hold can turn into something extremely scary for these little ones. Let’s keep each other safe and healthy!). 
• We recently had a big day for Maddy (and for us) where we spent a whole day with our extended family; aunts, uncles, and cousins, followed by a wedding for our close friends. It was a lot of driving and energy and planning and anxiety. As you’ve read, we are constantly battling with the delicate balance of not missing out on life around us and being with our loved ones but also keeping our sweet boy safe. We knew we could be putting him at risk by doing this, but it was also important to us to be at both of these events. Through a lot of prayer and surrender, God kept all of us healthy and safe. 

Those are both two great examples of God’s provision and protection that may otherwise be taken for granted or become an oversight unless I could have seen the “other side” of the blessing – if Maddox had gotten sick. 

Our week ended with a couple of “big time blessings” – the ones that you can feel and see and the ones that make you just drop to your knees and thank your savior. One was work-related and the other one was… drumroll please… Maddy boy slept through the night!!! We will see if it was just a lucky night, but I’ll take it regardless. The rest was oh so needed. 

Thank you, Lord, that you take such sweet care of your own. 

“When I’m up and when I’m down

When I’m lost and when I’m found

You know where the sparrow falls

You care for your own

You count every tear, every breath

And you remember it

You know where the sparrow falls

You care for your own”

– Sparrow, by the Housefires

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