One year ago, today, we received Maddox’s Cystic Fibrosis diagnosis (read my reflective and raw blog post that details it all here). Here are 10 things I’d tell the February 13, 2023 me: 

1. It gets easier. In the beginning, the enzymes and treatments and clinic visits and fear of just about everything sweeps over you. But each day the load feels lighter and hope continues its bloom. 
2. When you’re feeling shaken by the weight of it all, in an instant, his smile will wash away any doubts, insecurities, or feelings of inadequacies of being his mom.
3. The advances they’ve made in the CF world are earth-shattering. Don’t believe what you are reading online. This disease is not only manageable but well on its way to a cure. 
4. You have a village of family and friends that will carry you when you don’t have the strength to stand and cheer you on when you’ve lost your sense of spirit. 
5. Maddox is 8 months old now and you’ve kept him incredibly protected and healthy. He hasn’t gotten sick once and doctors continue to tell you they’re so proud of his progress. God has protected you and him and you are fearless in your pursuit of advocating for him and his needs. 
6. Right now you’re praying for healing, for a miracle. Maddox is the miracle itself. You will have that realization in just a few months when his precious face makes its way into the world. He is the miracle. 
7. I promise you there are actually times that you will completely forget about CF. Those times seem to come in higher quantity as time goes on, but they come. 
8. Be proud of yourself. You’re doing it. You’re defeating fear in its ruthless path by leaning on the One who calms your roaring storm. 
9. Don’t allow CF to steal opportunities, moments, or smiles. It will surely try, but fight back. 
10. Just wait until you meet him. Maddox is full of personality, giggles, and as his doctors and nurses said at only a few hours of life, “he is fiesty”. This boy knows what he wants and lets you know it. His zest for life is immediately evident and is only expanding its wings as he grows. CF holds no candle to his fierce and steadfast spirit – it is already obvious that Maddox does not allow CF to have any ground in his life. You’re going to learn so much from him. 

One year ago, today, I was crushed in spirit… now, I’m more whole. 

One year ago, today, I was scared… now, I’m more brave. 

One year ago, today, I was hopeless… now, I’m more hopeful. 

One year ago, today, I was defeated… now, I’m more victorious. 

One year ago, today, I was angry… now, I’m more joyful. 

This isn’t to say I don’t have the same feelings I had a year ago. I am still scared at times; I am still angry at times; I am still hopeless at times, and the list goes on. The difference now is that it isn’t all-consuming. And even when it feels like it is, I have an incredible husband who helps us fight back and reminds me just how far we’ve all come. That is one thing about me that hasn’t changed since that day – Adam is still my rock, the shoulder that catches my tears, the hand that holds mine securely, and my unshakeable source of strength. 

I believe that next year, February 13, 2025 me will be even more whole, even more brave, even more hopeful, even more victorious. I anticipate more mountains, but now I know they will be moved. 

“And this mountain that’s in front of me, will be thrown into the midst of the sea.” 
(It Is Well, Bethel Music)